Greetings From The Future!
Dear People of the Past (09/28/2010 if I set my timechrometer correctly),
Ahoy! I’m writing from the year 2081 from the marvelous United States of Canmerica (Canada and the USA merged into one country after the great war of 2023). I was teleporting around the other day when I popped upon a rusty can on the ground. I haven’t seen a can in years so I picked it up and found a note inside!
The note was from some dude named Nick who asked the finder of the note to travel back in time and report on the state of food in the future! He gave me all his blog information which is great news because while we haven’t learned how to send people back in time yet, we can send data backward, which is how I’m writing this post.
NOTE: For all those people that are going to pick a part how this is possible, just stop. You’ll learn in a few years that Einstein was wrong anyway.
Now I don’t have much time because the season premier of The Simpsons is starting soon (still going strong!) and I don’t want to miss it. So I’ll just quickly answer Nick’s question and tell you all about some of the food that you have to look forward to in your future!
As you might guess, there’s some good news and some bad news! Let’s get to it!
We Solved World Hunger! Seriously. Nobody has died from malnutrition in the last 20 years. This is largely due to the fact that food is much better distributed now from country to country via a large series of tubes. If I recall from my history textbooks, some of you might think that world hunger is a problem of supply (which is a common argument that was made during the push for Genetically Modified Foods), but in reality it was always a problem of management. We went through a phase where we doubled the amount of food produced through rapid self-reproducing wheat and more people starved. Figure that one out.
But Everybody’s Fat. After decades and decades of engineering, the food we eat now is some of the most flavorful of all time. Nobody exercises (I had to look that word up) and honestly it’s fine. I’m seriously curious why there was such a hub-bub about fat during your time. I take a solid mix of 17 different powders, creams, and pills that keep my body humming along at a perfect pace!
We have more varieties of food than ever before! After a few mishaps scientists actually started nailing the genetic engineering of food! These days you can get any food you want. Want corn that tastes like butter straight off the stalk? Done.
99% of the food grown is corn. I hope you like corn! Engineers spent most of their time on corn so that’s what they start with these days. They’ve made corn taste like anything you want. Broccoli corn. Beef corn. And even real corn flavored corn!
We’ve Completely Cured Cancer! It’s true! After decades we finally figured out how to nail that little bugger. No cancer!
Everybody had cancer. About 60 years ago there was a tiny mishap with some Genetically modified soybeans that gave everyone who ate it various cancers years after it was consumed. That obviously sucked, but let’s just say that there was a sizeable interest in curing cancer for good! Oh also… soybeans are extinct now.
Now some of you might think that this all sounds horrible, but you have to remember before your time there have been plagues and wars and tons of problems… and solutions to those problems! It turns out that people are fairly good at both creating problems and solving problems and that’s what we’ve continued to do until my time! I have no doubt that we’ll continue to do the same until we’re blinked off the Earth.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to write your readers. I hope you all have many great meals.
From Nick. Well, I’m glad that Futureman wrote in because I’ve been getting a lot of questions recently on my views on Genetically Modified Foods and all that business. In short, I guess it all makes me a bit squimish, but at the end of the day, it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve messed with things that we probably shouldn’t be messing with.
So who knows. Frankly I tried to avoid foods that are genetically modified, but with the labeling laws in the US right now it’s almost impossible to know what you’re getting.
I of course have to ask. What are your thoughts on Futureman’s world? Complete science fiction?