I would’ve been happy with any of the results, but I was especially happy about the yeast type. The end donut is just so light and fluffy. It’s pretty easy to put away a few of these guys.

Very hard to resist.

I went with a chocolate glaze for this version for no particular reason except that I knew my coworkers would like chocolate. I thought the glaze was perfect. It wasn’t too thick. Just a nice, shiny coat on top of the donut.

Chocolate Donuts

Yield: 12 donuts.

Prep Time: 30 minutes + rise time

Total Time: 3 hours

Ingredients:

1 (1/4-oz) package active dry yeast (2 1/2 Teaspoons)
2 Tablespoons warm water (105–115°F)
3 1/4 Cups all-purpose flour plus some for working the dough
1 Cup milk, room temperature
1/2 stick (1/4 cup) unsalted butter, softened
3 large egg yolks
2 Tablespoons sugar
1 1/2 Teaspoons salt
1/2 Teaspoon cinnamon
Canola or other neutral oil for frying

Chocolate Glaze: (From Alton Brown)
Enough for 24 or so donuts
1/2 Cup unsalted butter
1/4 Cup milk
1 Tablespoon light corn syrup
2 Teaspoons vanilla extract
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate (I actually used milk chocolate)
2 Cups confectioner's sugar (powdered sugar)

Helpful Equipment:
Candy Thermometer
Cast Iron Skillet
Round Cookie Cutters (I like the plastic variety so they don't get all bent out of shape)
Stand Mixer (You could just use a wooden spoon to mix everything together and then just knead the dough lightly for a few minutes until it came together. There were donuts before there were mixers. But a mixer helps!)

Directions:

1) Add yeast and water to a mixing bowl, stir it and let it sit for 5 minutes. Once it's bubbling, go ahead and mix in all the other dough ingredients.

2) Mix the dough on low until it comes together in a soft ball. Then mix for 2-3 minutes. You can also stir everything together with a wooden spoon.

3) Add dough to a lightly oiled bowl and sprinkle a bit of flour on top. Cover and let rise for 2 hours. It should more than double in size.

4) Roll your dough out onto a lightly floured surface until it's 1/2 inch thick. Then use some round cookie cutters to punch out the donuts. You should be able to get at least 12 out of the dough. Feel free to re-roll the dough and make more donuts.

5) Lay donuts on a baking sheet that's been lightly floured. Let the donuts rise for another 30 minutes.

6) Heat oil in a cast iron skillet until it's 350 degrees. You don't need a lot of oil, just about 2 inches of oil in the pan should do the trick.

7) Add a few donuts to the oil and cook for about 1 minute per side. You'll have to flip the donuts with a spoon or tongs.

8) Remove the donuts and let them cool on some paper towels.

9) For the glaze, melt the butter in a small saucepan and stir in the milk. Then add corn syrup, vanilla, and chocolate until it melts.

10) Take the mixture off of the heat and whisk in sugar.

11) Dip the donuts in the glaze and sprinkle on any other toppings you want. Eat as soon as possible!

Recipe from Gourmet originally, but I got it from Joy the Baker.

Making the Dough

This dough is pretty easy to pull together actually (especially if you have a mixer). Like a lot of enriched doughs, these are the base ingredients.

Basic stuff.

Since these are yeasted donuts, the first step is to actually make sure your yeast is alive. Honestly, sometimes I bypass this step, but I decided to check it for this recipe. Add your yeast and water to a bowl, stir it together and let it sit for about 5 minutes. If it starts bubbling and foaming, you know you’re in business. If there aren’t any bubbles, you need some new yeast!

Prove yourself yeast!

There’s a very small amount of sugar and cinnamon in the dough, but these ingredients plus a bit of salt give the donuts a “something special” flavor.

Cinnamon and sugar.

Back to the dough, once your yeast is bubbling, add in all your other dough ingredients. I added my flour last. Then beat it on low until everything comes together in a soft ball. Then increase the speed to medium and beat it for 2-3 minutes until it’s very smooth.

If you don’t have a mixer, I’d recommend mixing everything up with a wooden spoon and then kneading the dough for a few minutes until it’s a smooth ball.

Add your dough to a lightly oiled bowl and then sprinkle a bit of flour on top.

Cover this and let it rise for about 2 hours at room temperature. It should more than double in size. This was my dough after a 2 hour rise:

After a few hours...

Forming the donuts

Making these donuts is actually pretty straightforward. Just roll your dough out on a lightly floured surface until it’s about 1/2 inch thick. Then using some round cooking cutters (I used the 3 inch cutter and the 1/2 inch cutter for the holes), just start punching out donuts in the most reasonable fashion. Of course, your goal is to get as many as possible.

Cool.

A secret

Most of the donut recipes I read advised against reusing the scraps of dough to make more donuts. But this seemed kind of silly to me so I tried it. After I got as many donuts as I could get out of one sheet, I rerolled my dough and punched out some more donuts. Guess what: People ate them anyway!

A Second Rising

Once you punch out your donuts, lay them out onto a baking sheet that’s been lightly floured (just so they don’t stick). Let them rise for another 30 minutes. This will make sure they are nice and fluffy when you fry them up. I actually let mine rise for like an hour by accident, but 30 minutes would’ve worked fine I think.

Frying the Donuts

The moment of truth. You need to fry these bad boys. And yes you have to fry them. There’s a lot of ways to do a lot of things, but there’s only one way to make good donuts: fry them.

I fried mine in a large cast iron skillet. Just add enough oil to measure about 2 inches up the pan. The donuts will float so you only need to cover half a donut at a time. Heat up your oil until it’s about 325-350 degrees. I highly recommend a deep-fry thermometer. They are very cheap and pretty essential if you want to do some good frying.

This is good frying:

Click the photo to check out the cast iron skillet I recommend!

These will fry very quickly. About 1 minute a side should do the trick. Work in batches and use some metal tongs or a wooden spoon to flip them. When they’re done, move them to a baking sheet lined with paper towels to let them drain a bit.

They really only take a minute.

The Holes

Don’t forget about the holes! I fried mine up and tossed them right away into a cinnamon sugar mix (1/2 cup sugar to 1 Teaspoon cinnamon).

Don't forget these guys!

The Glazing

Ok. So you actually want to make the glaze before you make your donuts just because the donuts take no time to fry up. The glaze is super easy to make though. Just melt your butter along with your milk in a small saucepan over low heat (or in a double boiler). Then stir in your corn syrup, vanilla, and chocolate until it’s melted.

Then take it off the heat and whisk in your sugar (sift it if you’re concerned with lumps). Easy breezy!

Chocolate glaze. Yum.

Once your donuts cool for a minute or two, go ahead and dip them in the glaze! You can of course sprinkle on any toppings that you want. The only topping I had laying around was some raw sugar so I used that. Not very colorful, but whatever. This guy wasn’t going back to the store just for sprinkles people.

It's really hard to eat just one of these.

It should go without saying that these are best to eat as soon as possible.

Chomp!

I don’t think I have to tell you this, but these were really good.

And to be completely honest, they weren’t that difficult. I was expecting them to be a lot more finicky, but turns out fried dough is probably going to be delicious.

What’s not to like about tots? They are crispy and salty and delicious! But is it really possible to make them at home if you don’t have a ridiculous potato processing plant at your disposal?

The answer is a very big YES.

I made these.

I’m actually shocked at how well these turned out, but I have to give some props to a new restaurant in town that gave me the push I needed to give these a try. Birch & Barley, a new beer shop in town with really fantastic food, has these on the menu and they are filled with mashed potatoes. I had one (literally I just got one and then they were all gone) and I decided I had to give it a shot.

Homemade Tater Tots

Yield: Serves 4-6 as appetizer.

Prep Time: 45 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour 15 minutes

Ingredients:

4 Russet potatoes, peeled and chopped
1 egg
1/2 Cup milk
3 Tablespoons unsalted butter
1 Cup all-purpose flour
Salt
Pepper
2 Large bags, plain kettle cooked chips or a few cups of Panko crumbs. Or a mix of both.

Helpful Equipment:
Deep-fry thermometer

Directions:

1) Peel and slice potatoes.

2) Boil potatoes for 10-15 minutes in salted water until the potato pieces are fork tender. Then drain them and transfer them to a bowl.

3) Using a fork, mush up potatoes and let them cool for a few minutes until they are room temperature or slightly warmer.

4) Add milk, butter, and egg. Add a good pinch of salt and pepper.

5) Drop a few teaspoons of mashed potatoes in bowl of crust. Roll them around until they are coated all the way around.

6) Pick up each tot and shape it easily in your hand. Just make a light fist around the tot while pinching it on the ends with your other hand. That will make it shape into the cylinder you are probably familiar with.

7) Transfer it to a baking sheet and repeat!

8) Heat oil to 350 degrees.

9) Cook them in batches for about 5-7 minutes per batch.

10) Scoop out of the oil, transfer them to a paper towel and salt them immediately

11) Serve with sauce – ranch, chili sauce, ketchup, etc.

Making the tots

It should be no surprise that these guys start with potatoes.

The secret behind the tot!

The first step for these guys is to make mashed potatoes. Now I’m not sure how they make real tater tots. I know it’s closer to a hash brown product, but mashed potatoes are a lot easier to shape and also happen to be delicious.

To start, just peel and slice your potatoes.

All chopped up.

Boil them for 10-15 minutes in salted water until the potato pieces are fork tender. Then drain them and transfer them to a bowl.

Look at that steam!

Using a fork, mush up your potatoes and let them cool for a few minutes until they are room temperature or slightly warmer. Then add your milk, butter, and egg. Add a good pinch of salt and pepper. If you aren’t afraid of a little raw egg, I recommend trying a bit to taste for seasonings.

Filling mixed.

A test run

Before I made a bunch of these, I wanted to do a test run just to make sure they worked okay. I’ll admit that my first test run, I tried making a few without the flour or eggs in the mashed potato filling. DISASTER! They just completely disintegrated in the oil. So then I added the flour and egg and gave it a second try.

To make the crunchy exterior of the tot and also give it some shape, I decided to try out two different toppings: crunched up kettle chips and Panko breadcrumbs. Both worked pretty well actually.

Here is my successful test run result!

The test runs.

After I saw these come out of the oil and tasted them, I was very excited about making (and eating) a bunch of them.

Making the tots

The key to making these easily is to not worry about shaping the tot until after it’s coated. I tried to make mine pretty uniform by using a heaping teaspoon for each tot. Just drop a few teaspoons of mashed potatoes in your bowl of crust. Roll them around until they are coated all the way around.

Don't worry about shape!

Then you can easily pick up each tot and shape it easily in your hand. Just make a light fist around the tot while pinching it on the ends with your other hand. That will make it shape into the cylinder you are probably familiar with. Then you can transfer it to a baking sheet and keep cranking them out!

After a few minutes – or honestly about 20 – you should have a small army of these guys.

Assembly line!

Cooking the tots

You can cook these guys right away! The key to frying them is to make sure that your oil is hot enough. It needs to be at about 350 degrees. If your oil isn’t hot enough then the outside of the tot won’t cook fast enough and the inside will get too hot and it’ll kind of ooze out. Still edible, but just not as attractive!

Cook them in batches and they should only need about 5-7 minutes per batch.

Frying up.

Once you scoop them out of the oil, transfer them to a paper towel and salt them immediately. I also put seasoned salt on them for a little extra flavor. Feel free to go crazy with the spices!

I served mine with ranch and hot chili sauce. It looks like ketchup, but I hate ketchup so this is what you get!

Not ketchup!

Just for good measure, one more shot of these guys.

Just for good measure.

I liked both versions of the tots. The Panko-crusted ones (in the back) looked closer to real tater tots and held their shape nicely. I thought the chip-crusted ones tasted better though. But just by a tiny amount. Both were very good.

If you have any leftovers, you can reheat these in a 350 degree oven until they crisp up again. They aren’t quite as good on day two, but still pretty darn tasty.

So there ya go. Homemade tater tots. Pass it along!

I think there are three important qualities to a solid chicken wing: 1) Tender and juicy meat. I hate an overcooked wing. 2) Heat! This one is debatable but in general I think a wing needs some heat for it to be memorable. 3) Messy. I better have to lick my fingers.

These sticky wings have all three of those qualities!

Sticky, spicy, and wonderful.

I had a hard time deciding what to call these guys because I actually adapted the rub and sauce from a ribs recipe. It’s got some Asian flavors going, but also some Southwestern aspects. The wings have a dry rub on them, but then are tossed in a sauce.

Basically, they are all over the map. But I’m not exaggerating when I say that the recipe is probably in my Top 10 wings I’ve ever had in my life. And trust me… that is a very serious statement.

Sticky Wings

Yield: Serves 4-6.

Prep Time: 20 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour 15 minutes

Ingredients:

3-4 pounds chicken wings, about 3 dozen

Dry Rub:
1/4 Cup packed brown sugar
2 Tablespoons ancho chile powder (see my note below on making the rub or you can use regular chile powder)
2 Tablespoons finely ground coffee (espresso beans are called for in the original but I just used a dark roast bean)
1 1/2 Tablespoons Kosher salt
1 Tablespoon hot paprika
1 Tablespoon onion powder
1 Tablespoon garlic powder
1 Tablespoon fresh ground pepper
1 Teaspoon dried thyme, crumble it up

Sticky Sauce:
1/2 Cup rice vinegar
1 large shallot, finely chopped
2 Tablespoons fresh ginger, peeled and finely chopped
1/4 Cup sugar
1-3 Tablespoons hot chili sauce (like Sriracha. I used 3 Tablespoons because I like them spicy)
6 Tablespoons canola or vegetable oil

1/4 Cup cilantro, chopped for garnish (optional)

Helpful Equipment:
Coffee Grinder (for espresso and also grinding ancho peppers if you are making your own chili powder)

Directions:

1) Preheat oven to 400 degrees, unless you are making the ancho powder, then preheat it to 200 degrees.

2) Grind regular coffee beans for the rub.

3) If you want to make your own with dried peppers, just cut off the stems and scrape out the seeds. Then slice them into quarters and set them in a 200 degree oven for about 30 minutes. Take them out and let them cool and then you should be able to grind them up really easily using a spice/coffee grinder.

4) Trim down chicken wings: using a sharp knife, find the joint between the wing tip and the middle section of the wing and slice through it. If you can slice the joint correctly you won’t have to apply much pressure. You can toss the wing tips or save them for chicken stock.

5) Do a similar cut in the joint between the drumstick and the middle section. Again, it should slice pretty easily if you go through the joint. If you are chopping through the bone every time, you are making your life harder than it needs to be.

6) Once all wings are cut, dunk them in rub and press it on to each side of the wings. Make sure each wing has a good even coat of the rub.

7) Bake these at 400 degrees for about 40 minutes. At the 20 minutes mark, pull them out and flip them with tongs.

Note: These wings are delicious with just the rub. If you want to stop here you’ll end up with a delicious (although not exactly sticky) final product. It will still please the masses though I promise.

8) Whisk together all sticky sauce ingredients in a medium bowl while wings cook.

9) Get out a large sauté pan and put it over high heat. Whisk sauce to make sure it’s all combined well and then pour it into pan.

10) After just a few minutes over high heat, the sauce should be starting to bubble nicely and the sugar from the sauce will start to thicken up a bit. The sauce should still be pretty runny though, you don’t want it to thicken up too much.

11) Then throw all your baked wings into the pan! When the wings hit the sauce, the sauce will stick to the wings and thicken up even more almost instantly.

12) The whole process takes only about 5 minutes per batch. Once they are all sticky, serve them immediately with some chopped cilantro on top.

Adapted from Oct 2009 Bon Appetit Ribs Recipe.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees, unless you are making the ancho powder, then preheat it to 200 degrees.

Making the Rub

So most of the ingredients for the rub are fairly common. I did grind my own coffee beans for the rub (although I just used regular coffee I had on hand, not espresso beans). The one thing that might throw off some people is the ancho powder.

If you happen to have some dried ancho chiles, it is pretty easy to make it, but you could also just use normal chili powder. Or, of course, you could go buy actual packaged ancho chile powder which is fine if you’ll use it in other recipes.

If you want to make your own with dried peppers, just cut off the stems and scrape out the seeds. Then slice them into quarters and set them in a 200 degree oven for about 30 minutes. Take them out and let them cool and then you should be able to grind them up really easily using a spice/coffee grinder.

Some pieces in this elaborate rub.

This is a really solid rub. I think I might start mixing up larger batches of it and keeping it on hand for chicken and popcorn and stuff. It has a really great flavor and is spicy, salty, and sweet. Fantastic stuff.

All mixed together.

Prepping the wings

One great thing about chicken wings is they are very economical. They still aren’t huge sellers in America compared to breast meat so you can get them for a pretty good price normally. Even the organic chicken wings at Whole Foods were like $3.50/pound. Not bad at all.

Most likely you get the whole wing when you buy them from the store or butcher. It’s pretty easy to trim them down to a noticeable product though. First, using a sharp knife, find the joint between the wing tip and the middle section of the wing and slice through it. If you can slice the joint correctly you won’t have to apply much pressure. You can toss the wing tips (on the left below) or save them for chicken stock.

Then do a similar cut in the joint between the drumstick and the middle section. Again, it should slice pretty easily if you go through the joint. If you are chopping through the bone every time, you are making your life harder than it needs to be.

Two simple cuts for each wing.

If you are a visual learner, the first 30 seconds of this video does a good job of showing how it’s done.

Rubbing the wings

Once all your wings are cut, dunk them in your rub and press it on to each side of the wings. Make sure each wing has a good even coat of the rub. Don’t worry. They won’t be too spicy. The rub is actually not that spicy. It just gives the wings tons of flavor and a tiny bit of texture from the sugar caramelizing.

No need to go light on this stuff.

Bake these at 400 degrees for about 40 minutes. At the 20 minutes mark, pull them out and flip them with tongs. This will just make sure that your rub doesn’t burn on the bottom of the wings.

Note: These wings are delicious with just the rub. If you want to stop here you’ll end up with a delicious (although not exactly sticky) final product. It will still please the masses though I promise.

Sticky Sauce

Assuming you do want to take it to the next level, whisk together all of your sticky sauce ingredients in a medium bowl while your wings cook. It’s that easy really…

Sticky business...

After 40 minutes, pull your wings out of the oven. Check out these beauties!

Honestly, they were awesome just like this!

Making the wings sticky

Here’s the trick for making the sauce sticky and getting a good even coating on the wings. Get out a large saute pan and put it over high heat. Whisk your sauce to make sure it’s all combined well and then pour it into your pan (I did mine in two batches actually so I only added half my sauce at a time, but you could try it all at once depending on your pan size and your courage level.)

After just a few minutes over high heat, the sauce should be starting to bubble nicely and the sugar from the sauce will start to thicken up a bit. The sauce should still be pretty runny though, you don’t want it to thicken up too much. Then throw all your wings (or half if you are doing batches) into the pan! When the wings hit the sauce, the sauce will stick to the wings and thicken up even more almost instantly.

The whole process takes only about 5 minutes per batch. Once they are all sticky, serve them immediately with some chopped cilantro on top.

Cilantro is a nice touch.

These guys have a very complex flavor going on. They have a good amount of vinegar almost like a vinegar based bbq sauce, but also have Asian aspects to them with the ginger and everything. I was worried that they would be too busy actually, but they turned out pretty much perfect.

This might be my new go-to wing recipe when I don’t want the straight up, standard buffalo sauce variety.

I went with a chocolate and peanut butter dessert because I figured that that would be an easy way to calm the masses. I also brought a bottle or two of wine which never hurts. These guys were spectacular.

Things should not taste this good.

Step one if you really want to make these guys is to go to the store and buy the metal cupcake tins that way you don’t have to do what I did, which is make 24 cupcake tins out of aluminum foil.

Why did I think this was a good idea? I don’t know. A part of me just wanted to see if it would work (it will), but also I was just too lazy to go to the store even though it probably would’ve been faster.

Homemade Peanut Butter Cups

Yield: Makes 2-3 dozen.

Ingredients:

12 ounces dark chocolate chips
12 ounces semi-sweet chips (I think you could use any combination if you want. I wouldn't use all dark chocolate though.)
4 ounces butter (1 stick). You may need another half stick, or some milk, if your chocolate gets too thick between layers.

Fillings:
16 ounces (1 jar) peanut butter. I like creamy.
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup honey
Pinch of salt
1 Teaspoon cinnamon, cayenne, or some other interesting spice. Totally optional.

Directions:

1) Use a simple double boiler to melt chocolate. Get a pot of water boiling and then just set a stainless steel bowl over the boiling water with the chocolate and butter. Stir it occasionally and eventually it will melt together.

2) Place foil cups into the metal cupcake pan.

3) Using a knife, carefully spread some chocolate on the bottom of each tin and along the sides.

4) Stick in the freezer for about 20 minutes to get super hard.

5) While your cups are cooling keep your chocolate warm, but turn your water down to low.

6) Mix some of the peanut butter with sugar and honey, some with cinnamon, and some with cayenne.

7) Add a Tablespoon of the peanut butter mixtures to eat cup.

8) Smooth out the filling using a knife to create a level layer.

9) Put the cups back in the freezer for 10 minutes or so.

10) Using a knife, spread on some of the chocolate over each cup.

11) Stick these back in the freezer for 15 minutes to set and then move them to the fridge to store.

But, if for some absolutely crazy reason, you want to make the tins, get a muffin pan and a square of foil and carefully cram the foil into the mold. Make sure all the edges are flat and be careful not to puncture through the foil.

Inventive or stupid?

I got pretty fast at this, but it still probably took me 30 minutes to make 24 tins.

This was the hardest part of the entire recipe. So, learn from me. Buy them.

This took longer than a trip to the store.

Assuming you have your tins all set, you can get down to business.

The business.

Making the Chocolate

I like to use a simple double boiler to melt chocolate. Get a pot of water boiling and then just set a stainless steel bowl over the boiling water with the chocolate and butter. Stir it occasionally and eventually it will melt together. And you don’t have to worry about scorching it.

I think you could also melt it in the microwave using a microwave safe dish. Just nuke it for 30 seconds at a time until it melts, stirring well after every 30 seconds.

Soon you’ll have a smooth and creamy chocolate.

Chocolate soup!

Forming the cups

The hardest part about this recipe is making the bottom/sides of the chocolate cup. The easiest way I found to do this was to put my homemade cupcake foils back into the metal cupcake pan which gives them some structure. Then, using a knife, carefully spread some chocolate on the bottom of each tin and along the sides.

I went up about halfway on each tin.

When all of them are done, stick them in the freezer for about 20 minutes to get super hard.

The filling

While your cups are cooling (keep your chocolate warm, but turn your water down to low), you can make your filling.

One of the coolest things about making your own cups is that you can fill with lots of interesting stuff. Although I still like peanut butter as a base, here are a few other things you can add to the mix.

Just some ideas.

Peanut butter by itself is too moist in my opinion to make a good filling. You need to thicken it up a bit. I think the best way to do this is with the sugar and honey that I added in the recipe. If you mix in the sugar and the honey, you’ll end up with a creamy filling that is much thicker than normal peanut butter. It will hold up well against the chocolate.

I also mixed some cinnamon into one batch and some cayenne into the other. Both were good ideas.

Texture is important here.

I would say about a tablespoon per cup is a good idea. Much more than that and your cup will overflow if you know what I mean.

Make sure you smooth out the filling using a knife so you have a sort of level surface for your top chocolate layer.

Make sure to spread out the filling evenly.

After you spoon in the filling, put your cups back in the freezer for 10 minutes or so. Keeping everything really cold makes it much easier to work with.

Finishing the cups

These guys get easier as you go. The top level of chocolate is the easiest. Again, using a knife, spread on some of your chocolate. You don’t want the chocolate layer too thick, but try not to have any peanut butter peeking through.

Top it off!

Stick these back in the freezer for 15 minutes to set and then move them to the fridge to store. The chocolate is really good, but mine would start to melt at room temperature after a few minutes so I just stored them in the fridge.

This was a finalized cup.

The foil comes right off.

And again with the layers…

This is serious.

I have a thing for spicy food and I definitely like savory desserts so the cayenne version was my favorite. The cinnamon version got pretty solid reviews at book club also.

So even if you didn’t have time to read this whole post (like I didn’t have time to read the book), and you just decided to skip to the end. Here it is:  Make these. They are delicious.

This is how I feel about junk food. In general, I don’t eat junk food, but there are a few things that I enjoy on occasion and I think that is just fine. As with many things, as long as you practice moderation and “know your enemy” then you can have the occasional treat and still maintain a healthy diet.

Before I give my list of 10 sins, it is important to note that almost anything that is in the grocery store these days is processed. Except for most items in the produce section (notice I say most), a lot of what we consume is “processed.” This includes things like milk and frozen peas which are good for you and can definitely be a part of a healthy diet.

This post, though, is about the section of processed foods that people think of when they think of processed foods. Mostly this includes junk foods processed with high fructose corn syrup or fried or in some other way enhanced.

Why am I writing this post? Well, because I think it is important to acknowledge your enemies! These are things that I really enjoy and as long as I recognize that they are treats and not what I should be eating everyday, then I think it is fine for me to have them. Keep in mind that I also exercise a few times a week and walk 3 miles round trip to work everyday so my daily calorie count is a bit forgiving.

On with the list! Some of these are worse than others…

1) Wasabi Peas. Ok. For a snack food these are actually pretty good for you. The fact that I can eat my own weight in them though makes up for the reasonable health. If you are going to snack you could do way worse than these spicy little things.

2) Triscuits. Again. Not the worst thing you could eat, but I load them up with cheese or some sort of cream cheese spread. That makes them a treat. If you eat them in their bare form then they are probably okay to eat regularly.

3) Nutella. Betsy and I have yet to have a container of Nutella that lasts more than a few weeks in our house. One spoonful at a time it just… disappears!

4) Diet Dr. Pepper. If I’m going to drink soda, this is my soda of choice. I know it has 0 calories and all and so theoretically I could drink it everyday, but I know that it isn’t good for me. The caffeine plus whatever the hell they put it in to make it taste so damn good cannot be good for you.

5) Velveeta. Velveeta is pretty much the definition of processed. I have no idea how it is made. In fact, I’ve tried to reproduce it’s texture with regular cheese and milk. It is impossible. But Velveeta makes some of the best queso dip around. That’s all there is to it.

6) Ramen Noodles. This should come as no surprise to Macheesmo readers. I love Ramen noodles. In fact, I love to incorporate them into different dishes.

7) Salsa. This is another pretty healthy one, but definitely worth mentioning given the amount of it I consume. It’s a great snack but most jarred salsas are pretty sodium-packed so while it is good for you in the snack food spectrum, you wouldn’t want to eat the stuff by the bucket.

8) Cheddar and sour cream Baked Ruffles. My coworkers and I all refer to these simply as “The Chips.” I have to be careful because I can eat an entire bag without even blinking. That’s all I have to say about that.

9) Cadbury Cream Eggs. If these were available all year long, I would be in very serious trouble.

10) Beer. I love a good beer and it is definitely considered a “processed” thing. In fact, sometimes I love many beers. I couldn’t leave this off the list.

So those are my favorites. I don’t feel bad about having them occasionally as long as I balance them with healthy homemade dishes, fresh fruit, lots of veggies, and the once-in-awhile treadmill visit.

So, I have to ask. What junk foods are your enemies and do you know them?!

Photos by awrose, bunchofpants, and jeffk.

If you are cheering for the birds the worst thing that happens is they get blown out of the water. No big deal. Sort of expected. Hopefully it will be a good football game though.

Here is my final score prediction: Arizona 21 – Pittsburgh 17.

One note before the links. I’m not going to link to the crazy bacon wrapped bacon sausage disaster that is virally spreading around the Internet. I’m really afraid that I might get sued if someone made it and then inevitably went into cardiac arrest. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then google bacon wrapped bacon sausage or check out the most popular NY Times article.

Now for some links. Some of which are also not good for you, but they won’t kill you immediately!

Ultimate Superbowl Snack Stadium – A good friend sent me this link and when I first opened it I didn’t quite understand what I was looking at. But yes. It is an entire stadium made of snack food. (@ Holy Taco)

Pittsburgh vs. Arizona Superbowl Food Off – A quarter by quarter run down of everything both teams have to offer when it comes to food. While you might think that Arizona has an advantage given that they are an entire state, Pittsburgh is clearly winning in the polls. I voted for Arizona though. Their food looks better although The Primanti Brothers are the real deal. (@ Endless Simmer)

20 Worst Supermarket Foods – In a complete 180 to counteract all of the delicious junk food I just linked to, I thought you might like this very thorough list of the worst things you can eat in the Supermarket. When I found this, I must say I was a bit jealous because I literally had the exact same idea for an article. But then after I read it I realized how much freakin’ work it would have been to write. Glad I didn’t embark down that path. (@ Men’s Health)

Anti-Bacterial America - Michael Ruhlman writes one of my favorite chef-authored sites right now because of posts like this. It’s funny and yet very informative. He doesn’t pull any punches and he uses a bunch of real evidence to make his point. The comments expand into a very good conversation on the subject of how we use way too many bacterial products in our lives. (@ Michael Ruhlman)

As an aside, I’m also reviewing his book “Charcuterie” on Sunday, so check back for that.

Sworn Rivalry Established – I apparently have a “sworn rival” in the food blog world. I guess we are rivals because we both have food websites and beards. Turns out, even though it is the name of his site, he doesn’t always have a beard. SNAP!

This rivalry may result in a brutal cook-off. (@ Sworn Rival)

Everyone enjoy the Superbowl. Go birds!

Photo by MPR529.

If you miss this game though, then there are the NFL Playoffs. Sometime in the next few weeks you are most likely going to watch a football game and you will need some snacks for this. One of my default snacks is homemade popcorn.

Salty and sweet. Can't go wrong.

I’m not really sure how the microwave popcorn industry has survived this long. I mean, I like microwaved popcorn if I’m at work or on the road or something, but if I’m at home it takes just a few more minutes to make real popcorn. Oh and it costs cents per bowl.

If you didn't know, corn is cheap.

I bought this whole bag for $.99. I’ll get probably 10-12 large bowls of popcorn from it. For this post, I made one batch of popcorn (about 10-12 cups) and then did two different things with it: one salty and one sweet.

Below is how I make my homemade popcorn and it is practically fail proof. Take a medium-sized pan and cover the bottom of it with kernels. Then cover those kernels with a layer of vegetable oil until all the kernels are just covered. No measuring or anything. Just do that.

One quick note. There are two or three different kinds of popcorn kernels. Some are fluffier and larger. I got just the normal yellow kernel for this recipe. The cooking process is the same no matter what you choose.

It's not as much oil as it looks.

Put the lid on this pot and stick it over medium heat. Then don’t touch it until the kernels start to pop. Should just take a few minutes.

Meanwhile, I prepped my curry salt.

Simple curry seasoning.

Curry Seasoning

- 1 Teaspoon curry powder
- 1 Teaspoon seasons salt
- 1/2 Teaspoon basil
- 1/2 Teaspoon salt
- 1/2 Teaspoon cumin

This amount of spice should be enough for a whole batch of popcorn unless you like it really spicy. Obviously you can make as much as you want and I encourage you to adjust according to your tastes.

What’s that I hear? By the time you mix all those things together, your kernels will probably be popping. This is the only tricky part of the situation and sorry I couldn’t take a photo of it but I was busy. It isn’t that hard. Just lift your pan a bit above the burner and shake back and forth. Don’t take the lid off. In fact, I like to hold the lid down with one hand while I shake with the other. You want to keep all of that steam trapped in there but move the unpopped kernels back and forth so they don’t burn to the bottom.

Should only take a minute or so for the popping to be done. You won’t hear any more popping and the kernels will most likely be hugging the top of your pan. Now you can take the lid off and pour it straight into a bowl. Ideally, you won’t have any unpopped kernels.

If you are doing the curry spice or just salt, do it right away while the kernels are hot.

Season this while hot if possible.

Like I said, I split up my bowl and curried up one half and reserved one half for the caramel side.

I’ve been making caramel corn from scratch for a few years now and I can guarantee you that it is much better than that stuff you get in Christmas tins (and that stuff isn’t so bad).

You’ll need these things:

Caramel deconstructed.

Caramel Corn

- 1/2 cup butter
- 1 cup light brown sugar
- 1/4 cup light corn syrup
- 1/2 Teaspoon salt
- 1/4 Teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 Teaspoon Vanilla extract
- 10 cups popcorn

First, preheat your oven to 250. Yes. 250. Then melt your butter in a medium saucepan and add in your light brown sugar, corn syrup, and salt. Keep stirring this over medium-low heat until the sugar dissolves completely. That will only take a minute. Then: Don’t touch it.

This is super easy.

This won’t burn unless you forget about it. Stay close but don’t stir it. It will start to bubble which is good. Let it bubble for about 5 minutes.

Getting close...

Then you need to go from watching to working. And you need to move pretty fast. Add your vanilla and your baking soda to the pan. When you add the baking soda, give it a quick stir. The baking soda will make it start to bubble even more. Take it off the heat and right away pour it over your popcorn.

This is no time to lollygag.

Then stir it together real well to combine evenly. Pour your popcorn into a baking dish and pop it in that oven.

Ready to bake. Low and slow.

This will need to cook for 1 hour at 250 and you need to stir it every 15 minutes. Trust me. It is worth it. Once an hour is up, pour your caramel corn out onto some parchment paper to cool. You could also just pour it out on your counter if it is super clean. Spread out your corn as much as you can so the kernels don’t clump too much.

Dogfish head siting!

I like to serve popcorn with a salty and sweet option. The curry is good. The caramel is good. Feel free to make one or the other, but when served together that spot in the middle where you get some curry and some caramel is absolutely perfect.

I promise once you make this stuff homemade you won’t be buying much of the microwaved stuff.

Granted these don’t look exactly like Cheez-Its, maybe because they don’t have any artificial colors or flavors, but I can assure you that they taste almost identical to the salty snack.

These are the cheese.

The recipe for these guys is really simple. As you can imagine, it requires a bunch of cheese.

Baked Cheese Straws, Squares and Other Random Shapes
(I used Mr. Bittman’s Cheese Straw recipe from this book)

- 1/2 pound cheddar cheese (a little over 2 cups grated)
- 1/2 pound Parmesan (try to get a decent quality cheese as the flavor really comes through)
- 2 cups flour
- 8 Tablespoons chilled butter
- Ice water
- Coarse salt

Start by grating your cheese so you can get that out of the way.

Turns out cheese is important to this dish.

Then you want to coarsely mix in your butter with your flour. Kind of like a pie crust you want pea-sized lumps. It helps if your butter is chilled. A pastry cutter is a good tool to use for this or your fingers.

Butter and flour mixed lightly.

Now mix in all your cheese. It is a lot. You will doubt the amount of cheese. Never doubt that you are putting in too much cheese. It is basically impossible. Again, use that pastry cutter to integrate the cheese, flour, and butter well.

Throw in your cheese.

Most likely you won’t be able to work with the dough so add a few tablespoons of ice water to help out. Go one tablespoon at a time. You want to be able to work with it but you don’t want it too moist. I had to add about 4 Tablespoons to my dough before I could work with it.

Plus a little water makes for a good dough.

Then put your dough out on your counter and shape it into two even balls. Wrap these in plastic and let them chill for up to 3 days. You might be able to freeze them but really you probably want to make these as soon as possible. You don’t have to chill them at all though. You can just roll them out right away if you want.

Wrapped and ready for the fridge.

This dough is similar to pie crust dough. It is a bit finicky when rolling out. The good news is that we don’t have to fit it in a 9 inch pan. In fact, we are just going to make little squares with it so it really doesn’t matter the shape as long is it is thin enough. You are looking for 1/4 inch thick on the dough.

Carefully roll this guy out. Fragile stuff.

Now take a sharp knife and cut out whatever shapes you want! The squares are the standard obviously, but you could do strips, twists, anything you can think of. I don’t recommend the balls though. They didn’t really work out that well.

I maybe went a little overboard.

Make sure you grease your pan with Pam or a bit of butter before you slap your designs down. Also, sprinkle them with some kosher salt if you want.

Bake these guys at 450 for just eight minutes. Ten if you want them extra crispy.

These are unreal.

These are so delicious and are great to have in a bowl at a party. People will try them and comment that they taste like the store bought variety – except better. Betsy and I ended up eating an entire tray of these without a problem.

If you have a favorite junk food that you want to see me make, leave it in a comment or shoot me an email! I have a running list.

These are suprisingly ranchy.

Enter Doritos. Not only one of my favorite snack foods, but the favorite snack food of my Macheesmo taste-tester (aka girlfriend). One day I was working through a bag of Cool Ranch when I looked over at the ingredient list and said, “Hey. I think I can make these!”

What I was worried about obviously, was the spice. The chips I knew I could meet if not beat. But the spice… that was going to be tricky. I had an obvious place to start though:

This stuff is strong!

I poured this stuff into a bowl and thought it might just work as is. Boy was I wrong. The plain spice pack is incredibly strong. It is bitter and makes your eyes almost water. So I had to find a way to “dilute” the spice pack so it wasn’t so strong. This was the recipe I ended up with:

Kind of Cool Ranch
- One Ranch Dressing spice pack
- 2 to 3 Tablespoons season salt
- 1 Tablespoon Paprika
- 1 Teas. Garlic Powder

Helpful Equipment:
- Cast Iron Skillet
- Candy/Deep Fry Thermometer

Mix that up and it should be much less bitter and more salty which is what you want.

Spice Dilution

Next, let’s make some tortilla chips. Homemade tortilla chips are one of my favorite treats because A) they are cheap B) they are easy C) they are better than anything you can buy in the store.

I like to use white corn tortillas cut into sixths.

Cheapest Chips on the block.

Now you can bake these at 400 degrees with just a brushing of oil on them and that is fine. Personally, if I’m eating snack food, I want these guys fried. I’m throwing down with Doritos here. Frying is the way to go.

I filled my trusty cast iron skillet with about 1 1/2 inches of corn oil and let it heat up to 350 degrees. You know when it is the right temperature because your tortilla will float and bubble immediately. If you want exact results though, I recommend using a deep fry thermometer for the oil.

Looking good guys.

The chips are pretty easy to make, but it might take a few times to get it right. The biggest problem I have is if you don’t have the oil hot enough or you don’t let them cook long enough on both sides, you end up with a tortilla chip you can bend. NOT APPETIZING.

The one trick I’ve learned is that the chips will be crispy when they stop bubbling. The reason being that all the water is out of the tortilla which makes it stop bubbling and also super-crispy. Silent tortillas are crispy tortillas.

When they are done, take them out and put them on a paper towel to drain off some of the oil and sprinkle that awesome seasoning on them immediately.

Season now!

I would recommend starting light on the spice as it is pretty intense. Just give a little sprinkle and then try them while they are hot. How many of you can say you have had Doritos while they are hot? Well, these are awesome hot!

Doritos ain't got nothing on me.

I definitely did not use all of that spice that I mixed up earlier. I probably used about half of it on a batch of maybe 60 chips. I started to eat them from the plate and something just wasn’t right. So I put them in a big Ziploc bag and they immediately tasted better. Not sure what the deal is with that but homemade Doritos in a bag taste better than on a plate.

So if you get bored one weekend, I recommend these! They were actually quite tasty. The Macheesmo taste-tester and I had no problem polishing off the entire bag.

If you have suggestions for junk food I should try to make either comment or shoot me an email.

Also, if you liked this post, I would love it if you passed it along using the below links. I’m certain the vast Internet is dying to know how to make Doritos.