Well, this was just fantastic.

Betsy and I went to a very fun birthday party a few weeks ago that was a fondue party – great idea for a party. A few people were in charge of bringing large quantities of cheese and everyone else brought booze or things to dip in the cheese.

The standard fondue recipe is normally based on Gruyere or some other swiss cheese mixed with white wine and cooked until melted and smooth. It’s very good, but also a bit on the pricey side.

So, I thought it would be fun to try to come up with a fondue-ish dish that’s a bit easier on the wallet but still delivers in the flavor department.

The secret: Port wine cheese.

The second secret: Stout.

Port Wine Cheese Fondue

Yield: Serves 8-10.

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Total Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients:

24 ounces port wine cheese
1 12 ounce stout beer
1/2 teaspoon fresh nutmeg, grated
Crusty bread for dipping

Helpful Equipment:
Microplane

Directions:

1) Pour stout into a medium pan and heat over medium heat.

2) Once stout is steaming, start whisking in port wine cheese in 3 batches. Once one batch is melted, add the next one.

3) Whisk the cheese regularly. It might look as if it is separating but eventually it will melt together with the stout and form a smooth dip.

4) Add nutmeg and turn heat down to medium-low.

5) Continue to simmer until fondue thickens, about 10 more minutes. Serve immediately with cubes of crusty bread. It reheats really well also.

Port Wine What?

Port wine cheese is not the most popular of cheeses and this is a huge travesty in my mind. Granted, it’s a bit on the processed side, but the ingredients aren’t all that bad.

It has things like cheddar cheese, cream, and yes… even port wine in it.

Really just two things.

Normally, you just eat it at room temperature because it’s spreadable, but I figured it would be just as good melted in a big pot.

I made a bunch of this, but you could easily half the recipe.

Just for cost comparison, 8 ounces of port wine cheese will run you about $4 while 8 ounces of Gruyere will run you about A MORTGAGE PAYMENT.

Processed.

Doing the Fondue

This can barely be called a recipe. Basically you just toss all the ingredients in a pot and whisk them until they are smooth and melted. Done.

I used a whole bottle of good stout. You’re saving some money on the cheese. Don’t use Miller Lite to make this.

Action shot!

Put this over medium heat and just start adding the port wine cheese in chunks until it’s melted.

A whisk helps to stir everything well.

As your port wine cheese melts, it will go through this phase where it looks like maybe it’s separating. Don’t fret. Just keep whisking and eventually it will combine with the stout and be smooth and delicious.

Melt and whisk and repeat.

The only other ingredient in this fondue besides cheese and beer is fresh nutmeg. It adds a nice, subtle spice flavor to the fondue.

I guess it’s optional, but if you happen to have some, grate it in.

Always good in fondue.

That’s pretty much all there is too it. Once your nutmeg is in, just keep simmering the cheese sauce until it’s the thickness that you want.

I simmered mine for probably ten minutes, whisking pretty regularly, and then called it good.

You can serve this with lots of stuff to dip, but cubes of good crusty bread were my personal favorite.

This makes a lot.

The nice thing about this fondue is that since you start with spreadable cheese, the fondue is actually useable even at room temperature.

This is not true for traditional fondue which turns into a big block of cheese if you take it off the burner for a few minutes.

Dip. Eat. Repeat.

I’m a huge fan of traditional fondue, but this was a really delicious (and cheap) alternative.

Even if you’re not a Wall Street Executive, now you too can enjoy the fun of dipping things in melted cheese!

Yes please.

I thought it was going to be a close poll last week, but a dip of some sort won by a landslide!

I’m big believer in the general philosophy that almost any appetizer can be made into a dip of some sort. It’s really just simple physics. If it tastes good on it’s own, it’ll probably taste good processed down, baked, and put on a piece of bread or chip.

Sometimes, the dip is even easier to make then the original appetizer which is an added bonus.

That’s definitely true for this recipe.

There are two ways to make jalapeno poppers that I know of, both of which are delicious but a bit of work. This recipe pushes both of those methods aside and just mashes a metric ton of jalapenos with cheese.

How could it not be delicious?!

Jalapeno Popper Dip

Yield: Serves 6-8.

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Total Time: 50 minutes

Ingredients:

1 pound cream cheese
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup cheddar cheese, grated
5-6 jalapeno peppers, minced
1 poblano pepper, minced (opt.)
1 Tablespoon olive oil
1 cup Panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
1/4 cup butter, melted
Tortilla chips, for serving

Directions:

1) Mince jalapenos and poblano. Leave the seeds in.

2) Add olive oil to a skillet and saute peppers over medium heat for about 4 minutes until they soften.

3) In a large bowl, mix together sauteed peppers with cream cheese, grated cheddar, and mayo. Stir well to combine.

4) In a small bowl, mix together Panko, butter, and parmesan cheese.

5) In a 1 1/2-2 quart buttered baking dish, scoop in the dip and spread it evenly in the dish. Top with panko topping.

6) Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees until cheese is melted and topping is browned.

7) Serve immediately with tortilla cheese or toasted bread.

Adapted from a Tablespoon recipe.

Pepper Overload

I know. This recipe has a lot of jalapenos in it. In fact, I’d bet that the only recipe you would ever make that has more jalapenos is if you were to make actual jalapeno poppers.

The truth though is that there is so much creamy stuff in this dip that the heat of the jalapenos is really reduced. If you only did one or two, you wouldn’t get any heat at all from them.

And don’t worry about seeding the things. Just wash them and dice them up. I like to quarter mine into segments and then dice them.

Leave the seeds.

I threw in a poblano in my batch just for fun, but I’m not really sure it gave the final dip much flavor. You can leave it out without too much worry I think.

Once you have all your peppers diced, saute them in a skillet with a drizzle of olive oil over medium heat for a few minutes. You just want them to soften a bit and cook off some of the liquid.

Just a few minutes will do the trick.

Trust me on this.

Mixing the Dip

There’s a lot of creamy stuff in this dip. No doubt about that.

I just did the full fat version because, hey… this is for the Super Bowl!

If you wanted to make this somewhat healthier though you could:

1) Cut the mayo amount in half.
2) Substitute the mayo entirely for Greek yogurt.
3) Sub out a quarter to half of the cream cheese for whipped silken tofu.

The third one might change the texture slightly, but I doubt it would be very noticeable. It’s a substitution that I frequently use in dips like this.

The creamy business.

But like I said… this is for the Super Bowl so why not just do it all the way?!

Once your peppers are done cooking, just stir everything together. Pretty straightforward!

This will even smell spicy.

The Topping

Probably the most common type of jalapeno popper is the fried ones with a golden crust. To get the same effect in dip form, just mix together some Panko bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, and melted butter in a bowl.

If you don’t have Panko, you can definitely use normal bread crumbs.

Butter is important.

Baking the Dish

In a medium-sized casserole dish, scoop in your dip mixture and top it with your bread crumb topping.

I’d recommend buttering the dish before adding the dip just to make sure it doesn’t stick badly. It would be horrible to lose some dip!

Don't forget to butter the dish!

Bake this whole thing for about 25-30 minutes at 350 degrees.

It’s done with the cheese is all melted and the topping is nice and browned.

Really nicely browned.

Serve this sucker as soon as possible with lots of tortilla chips or toasted bread.

The chip to dip.

This is about as easy as a dip gets. It’s definitely way easier than making actual jalapeno poppers, but the flavor is really very similar.

If you happen to have leftovers, let me tell you a little secret. Put a few spoonfuls of it in a rice and bean burrito. Amazingness.

Looks like blood... tastes like awesome.

When Betsy and I took our honeymoon to Italy, we stayed a few nights at this quaint little farm in Tuscany. It was a cute town and just very relaxing.

The farm owners would have wine tastings and snacks every day and one day they brought out this homemade stuff called “Mosto Cotto” that they served with hard cheese.

Betsy and I actually brought some back from Italy and enjoyed it later on a date night.

Since then, it has been in the back of my mind to try and recreate the stuff. So this is my version!

I took one shortcut which I will acknowledge is most definitely cheating, but it still turned out pretty awesome.

Red Wine Syrup

Yield: 1.5 cups

Prep Time: 45 minutes

Total Time: 2 hours

Ingredients:

3 cups full-bodied red wine
1 1/4 cups sugar
1/2 teaspoon guar gum + 2 tablespoons sugar
1 pound hard cheese (pecorino is good), cubed for dipping

Directions:

1) Add sugar and red wine to a pot and bring to a simmer. Simmer, stirring regularly for about 30 minutes over medium-low heat.

2) In a small bowl, whisk together guar gum with some sugar.

3) While vigorously whisking syrup, slowly add guar gum mixture. Whisk the syrup constantly for 5 minutes until guar gum is well dissolved.

4) Continue to simmer for another 5-10 minutes until the mixture is very thick. When foam or bubbles form, they should stay at he surface briefly even if you remove the pot from the heat.

5) Remove the syrup from the heat and let cool for a few minutes. Once it's cooled slightly, transfer to a bowl and allow to cool slowly.

6) If you notice that the syrup is getting to thick and starts to actually gel, stir in another tablespoon of red wine to loosen it up.

7) Once syrup is thick and room temperature, pour it over hard cheese or dip cheese in the syrup.

Boiling Wine

I remember asking the farm owner in Italy how they made the Mosto Cotto that we loved so much. From what I could tell, this is how they did it:

1) Take a huge amount of red wine – like gallons.
2) Boil it for about a day, stirring it regularly.
3) Bottle it

The problem is that the wine has to reduce so much to make a syrup that if you just did one bottle, you would simmer it for hours and hours and be left with maybe 1/2 cup of syrup.

And come on… who wants to stir something for a day? Not this guy!

So I upped my ingredient list from one to three.

At first I felt dirty about this, but later on, as I was enjoying my awesome red wine syrup, I became comfortable with the scandal.

Sugar and wine basically.

GUAR!

This stuff is not named after the sweet metal band. It is named after a simple legume that has some pretty amazing powers.

It turns out that guar is some of the most powerful natural thickener around. It’s crazy how little you have to use to get some serious thickening. You can find this stuff in most grocery stores these days. I found this bag in my normal everyday grocery store. You can also order it online.

Crazy stuff.

Starting the Boil

While you could just basically add the guar to the wine and have instant syrup, I still wanted to boil it for a bit just to melt some sugar in it and also boil off most of the alcohol.

So just add the sugar and wine to a pot and bring it to a simmer.

Red red wine!

I recommend cooking this on medium-low heat for about 30 minutes to cook off the booze and also dissolve the sugar completely.

It won’t be even close to thick enough to make a syrup at this point though.

Like I said, you could continue simmering it and it would probably take 90 minutes to boil it all the way down, but you would be left with very little syrup.

Just a quick simmer...

Adding the Guar

Adding the guar gum to the liquid is actually a bit tricky. This stuff is so powerful that if you where to just add it in its pure form, it would gel to itself and just form annoying little balls that would forever live in your syrup.

That is not ideal.

The way to avoid this is to mix the guar with some sugar to thin it out a bit. You can then add this mixture to the syrup without worry.

Doesn't take much.

When you’re adding the guar, whisk the syrup constantly and add the sugar/guar mixture in a slow stream.

Keep stirring and whisking like crazy once the guar is added so it dissolves completely. It will look like a ridiculously small amount of guar for this amount of liquid, but trust me… it’s more than enough.

After about five minutes of simmering, you’ll notice that your mixture starts to thicken quickly. It’s done is when bubbles form on the surface that stay on the surface. Even if you remove the pot from the heat, the bubbles will stay for a few seconds meaning that the syrup is pretty thick.

Sturdy bubbles.

Cool it Down

Add the syrup to a small bowl or dish and let it slowly start to cool down to room temperature.

Quick Tip: Wash your cooking pot immediately! Any syrup that’s left in the pan will pretty much solidify on it and be very hard to clean off once it has cooled.

Meanwhile your syrup will continue to thicken…

Really thick!

Too Thick!

Guar gum is hard stuff to work with because it’s so powerful. It’s like trying to mow your lawn with napalm. It’ll work, but probably too well.

As your syrup cools, if you notice that it’s getting too thick and starting to gel into a solid, stir in a tablespoon or two of fresh red wine and that will loosen it up. I had to do this with mine because I was worried that it was getting too thick.

I really loved my finished texture though. It was smooth and silky, but still pretty thick. It would stick to stuff easily.

Yum.

What to Dip?

This syrup is good on lots of things in my mind: ice cream, some sort of brownie, maybe even pancakes!

I just did one thing with it though… I dipped hard cheese in it which is what we learned to do with the Italian stuff.

Any hard cheese is good.

This is a really fun appetizer and people will gobble it up. Just cube up some cheese and drizzle on a good amount of the syrup.

Really good!

Like I said though, I think this syrup has more applications than just cheese. It’s slightly tangy and sweet and just has a really unique and awesome flavor.

Guar gum is fun. I think I’ll keep experimenting with it since they sell it in huge bags compared to how much you would ever use.

Anybody used guar gum before?

What did you do with it?

So addictive!

Betsy and I spent a few days in Nashville before Thanksgiving last week and one of the restaurants that we decided to hit up was a vegetarian/vegan spot called The Wild Cow.

As you probably know, I’m neither vegetarian or vegan, but I do generally like vegetarian food. I love stuff like tofu and tempeh. I find it delicious if cooked correctly so I was excited to check this place out.

The meal was excellent. Betsy has some delicious sweet potato tacos and her mom had some lentils that were some of the best lentils I’ve had.

Honestly, the thing I thought was the best though was the appetizer that we got which was a cashew dip. I asked the server what was in it and after a long, lackadaisical stare he said:

“Umm… cashews.”

After I a gave him a Three Stooges like smack (sound), he also told me that there was chickpeas in it also.

That’s a start I guess. I took it from there. It’s possible that my version turned out even better than theirs…

Cashew Dip

Yield: Makes 4 Cups of dip.

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Total Time: 15 minutes

Ingredients:

1 can of chickpeas, drained
2 cups roasted cashews
1 lemon, juice only
3/4 cup coconut milk
1/4 cup olive oil
Salt
Paprika
Pita chips

Helpful Equipment:
Food Processor

Directions:

1) Drain chickpeas and add them to a bowl filled with cool water. Rub chickpeas together gently between your hands to remove their thin outer, tough skin. The skins should float to the top of the water and then you can scoop them off. You don't need to worry about getting them all.

2) Add chickpeas to a food processor with cashews and pulse until they are in a rough paste.

3) Drizzle in olive oil, lemon juice, and coconut milk and continue to process. If the dip is a bit thick, add in more coconut milk until it reached desired texture.

4) Season with salt.

5) Serve dip sprinkled with paprika. Serve with pita chips.

Dip Basics

This dip is really similar to a hummus, but I think the flavors are way more interesting than most hummus. It’s slightly sweet and creamy and great on pita chips or veggies.

The base of the dip is these two things.

The basics.

Basically, we just process these guys together, but before doing so, I recommend a step that some people are going to find annoying and skip.

That’s okay. But don’t blame me when your dip isn’t silky smooth.

The step is peeling the chickpeas. As you can see, chickpeas have this tough outer skin on them. It’s translucent so you can’t really see it until you get it off of the chickpeas.

Strange skins...

The problem I’ve found is that no matter how much you process, these things just never break down 100%. This is probably why your homemade hummus isn’t as smooth as store bought hummus.

The best way to peel the things is to drain them and dump them in a large bowl with cold water. Using your hands, rub the chickpeas together underwater and the skins will float to the surface.

Then you can just skim them off.

See this? You can’t process this into a smooth anything.

Imagine processing that...

I usually spend just a few minutes doing this and I shoot for 95% of the chickpeas. As you can see, I miss some.

Having some un-peeled ones won’t kill you. The slightly lighter chickpeas still have the skin on them and I just left it at this point.

Not perfect, but it'll work.

Making the Dip

Once you get that annoying step out of the way, just toss the chickpeas and cashews in a food processor and pulse them until they are in a rough paste.

Easy enough.

A good start.

Then add in your lemon and olive oil and continue to pulse it.

I froze time for this. No big deal.

The Secret Ingredient

The real key to this dip is to find a way to make it really creamy without adding actual cream to it (I tried to stick to the vegan thing).

Coconut milk was my answer and I think it worked better than actual cream would have worked honestly. It added the texture I was looking for and also gave the dip a very soft sweetness.

Make it creamy!

Pulse this all together and taste it for salt. It might need a pinch of salt depending on whether or not your cashews were salted or not.

If your dip is still really thick, feel free to add in a bit more coconut milk until it reaches the consistency you want.

Smooth stuff.

You can serve this as-is or sprinkle the dip with some paprika like I did for the first photo.

This is really addictive stuff.

This is good stuff.

This is one of those recipes that is awesome to serve at a party. People will be beating down your door for the recipe.

That's a good lookin' dip!

One nice thing about working from home is that I have the luxury to go the store pretty much whenever I want. As you might imagine, I try to go when there aren’t a lot of people there.

The downside of this flexible schedule is that it has made me a pretty lazy meal planner. Because I can go to the store every day, I do go to the store every day. Sometimes multiple stores…

The people all know me now at the local spot as the weird 20-something guy who shops only when retired people shop.

I think they like me though because I bring them lots of strange ingredients. I have a knack for finding weird stuff they didn’t even know they had in their own store.

On this day, that ingredient was fennel thanks to the poll last week when an appetizer won. There was a pristine row of fennel bulbs in my local store. Untouched.

The check-out person didn’t even know what they were, let alone the look up code. When he asked me what they tasted like I blurted out, “It’s like licorice celery.”

He replied, “That sounds horrible.”

I almost brought him some of this dip just to redeem fennel in his mind after my apparently gross description!

Baked Fennel Dip

Yield: Serves 6.

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour

Ingredients:

3 bulbs fennel, quartered and roasted
2 cloves garlic
3 Tablespoons honey
1/4 cup half and half or cream
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
3 Tablespoons olive oil
Pinch of salt and pepper
Butter, for baking dish
Crackers or crusty bread

Helpful Equipment:
Food Processor

Directions:

1) Chop stems and roots off of fennel, leaving just the bulbs.

2) Wash bulbs well and quarter them.

3) Heat oil in an oven safe skillet over medium-high heat. Once hot, add the fennel quarters and sear on each side for 3 minutes per side.

4) Add garlic cloves (whole, but peeled) to the pan. Sprinkle on some salt and cover the pan with foil. If you don't have an oven-safe skillet, you can transfer all of this to a baking dish.

5) Bake the fennel and garlic at 400 degrees for 20-25 minutes, until the fennel is very tender.

6) Transfer fennel and garlic to a food processor and pulse until smooth. Add other ingredients (reserve 2 tablespoons of cheese for topping) and continue to pulse until everything is combined.

7) Butter a 3 cup baking dish and transfer the dip to the dish. Sprinkle on remaining cheese and salt and pepper.

8) Bake dish again for 20 minutes at 400 degrees.

9) Serve dip with thick crackers or crusty bread.

Adapted from a Martha recipe.

Roasting Fennel

Fennel is kind of a strange vegetable. It’s looks like what would happen if you stuck celery and dill in some sort of nuclear chamber and fused the two together.

It’s delicious stuff though and I love cooking with it every chance I get.

Strange Root!

What I love about fennel is its light flavor. It smells pretty strongly of anise, but once you roast it down, it completely mellows out. It still has a subtle licorice flavor, but it’s very light.

Mixed with a few other ingredients, I think it makes a really solid dip.

Prepping fennel can be a pain if you’re doing something fancy with it. For this recipe though, just chop off the stalks and the root tips and give them a good rinse.

Ready to quarter and cook.

Quarter the fennel next and toss the fennel quarters into a pan with a good drizzle of olive oil. If you have an oven-safe pan, that would work best since we are going to transfer these to the oven after a quick sear.

Just heat the skillet over medium-high heat until the fennel lightly caramelizes, about 5 minutes.

All ready to roast!

After that, go ahead and add a few whole garlic cloves to the dish along with a good pinch of salt.

Cover this entire thing with foil and roast it at 400 degrees for about 25 minutes. The fennel will get super-tender.

This will also make your house smell like a licorice factory and a garlic farm had a baby.

This will make your house smell awesome.

The Dip

Besides the fennel and garlic, there’s only a few other ingredients that you need.

The half and half (or cream if you want to get crazy) is important as it gives the dip a really smooth texture. The honey gives the dip some sweetness which is nice and the Parmesan cheese gives it some saltiness and, well, cheesiness which is always good for a dip.

Good flavors here!

Basically, just throw all of this stuff in a blender or food processor and pulse it until it’s a smooth consistency. I recommend tasting it at this point and adjusting for salt and pepper. It might need a bit more cream or honey. Just use your best taste bud judgement.

NOTE: If you don’t have a food processor, I still think you can make this dip. The fennel bulbs are so tender after roasting that I think you could just mash them with a fork and the stir everything together. It might be a bit more rustic, but I think it would work fine.

When you think it’s ready, pour it into a lightly buttered baking dish and sprinkle on a bit more Parmesan cheese.

Ready for the oven.

Bake this bad boy at 400 degrees for another 20 minutes and you’ll be left with this thing of beauty.

The crispy edges are the best.

Those almost burned bits around the edges are my favorite part. They are crunchy and delicious.

Serve this warm with crackers or nice crusty bread.

Chomp!

Why did I pick this as a Thanksgiving Appetizer?

Well, for one, you can make it in advance. Two, although it does have a bit of cream in it, it’s actually a really light dip. The flavors are completely refreshing and palate cleansing so I thought it would work well as a snack before the big meal.

It’s definitely a unique dip and one that I bet most of your guests haven’t had.

Addictive things.

Sweet potatoes and I don’t always get along in the kitchen. This mainly stems from a four day period of my life trying to perfect the art of the baked sweet potato fry. Turns out, it’s pretty much impossible to bake sweet potatoes and get them crispy and delicious. If anyone can send me a recipe that absolutely works consistently, I’ll buy you lunch.

Seriously.

Luckily though, when it doesn’t involve baked fries, sweet potatoes play very nice in the kitchen. They are great baked (whole). They are better double baked. And it’s a given that most people will have some sitting around over the next few weeks.

Instead of making some sort of sweet potato casserole, I decided to go the crispy route when sweet potatoes won the poll last week. More specifically, the crispy, salty, addictive route.

Sweet Potato Chips

Yield: Serves 2-4.

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Total Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients:

2 sweet potatoes, peeled and sliced thin
1-2 quarts oil, for frying

Spice mixture:
1 Tablespoon kosher salt
1 Tablespoon brown sugar
2 Teaspoons paprika
1 Teaspoon fresh thyme

Helpful Equipment:
Deep Fry Thermometer
Mandoline slicer

Directions:

1) Peel the sweet potatoes and chop off the ends so your first slices are chip-sized.

2) Slice chips thinly using a mandoline.

3) Fry chips in batches in 350 degree oil. Be careful not to add to many chips at once or your oil might overflow. Fry until they are lightly browned and not bubbling, about 3-4 minutes.

4) Remove chips and let drain on a paper towel. After they drain for about 30 seconds, season the chips with a good pinch of the spice mixture.

Addictive Seasoning

These chips are delicious on their own, but this spice seasoning takes them to another level. I mean, this stuff is out-of-control addictive.

You could also use a bowl...

It’s a simple mix of salt, brown sugar, paprika, and fresh thyme, but it’s like a drug. I was seriously licking my fingers while making it.

I want to put it on everything: chips, fries, popcorn… my toothbrush. Whatever.

Such a great spice mix.

Making the Chips

Screw baking sweet potato fries. If you want perfectly crispy sweet potato snacks, just slice them really thinly and fry them. DUH!

Before you do that though, make sure you peel your sweet potatoes and I like to cut off the ends also so each slice is a full-sized chip.

The war zone.

Unless you’re a knife master, you’re going to want some help with slicing these guys. It’s just really important to get them very thin and very evenly sliced. It’s almost impossible to do with a knife unless you’re Morimoto. And if you are Morimoto then “What’s up Morimoto?! Thanks for reading! Bring me some sushi!”

For us mere mortals though, you’ll want a mandoline slicer to make this job easy and quick.

This tool is very easy to use. Just make sure you use the safety guard please. I’ve seen people slice off 1/8 inch pieces of their finger. Not pretty.

They give you the safety guard for a reason.

Safety first!

Slicing up two sweet potatoes on one of these guys takes less than a minute.

And you’re slices will be perfectly uniform. It’s excellent.

Pretty impossible with a knife.

Frying the Chips

This part isn’t rocket science. Pour about two quarts of oil in your sturdy frying pot and get it heated to 350 degrees. As always, I highly recommend using a deep fry thermometer to monitor your temperature.

Once your oil is hot, carefully add in a handful of chips. Try to separate the chips as you drop them in so they don’t all stick together. Be sure to work in batches when you do this and start with a small batch. As the chips cook, they might foam some which could overflow your pot. Also, you want to try to keep your temperature as close to 350 degrees as possible. Small batches help with all of this.

I did my two sweet potatoes in about 5 batches of frying. If you have a large pot, you could do it in less.

Gotta love a good fry session.

Each batch will only need to fry for 2-3 minutes because the chips are so thin. You’ll know they are done when they stop bubbling aggressively. That means most of the water is out of the chips.

They will also turn a deep golden brown color. Then just scoop out the chips with a slotted spoon and let them drain briefly on a paper towel.

Season quickly!

Be sure to season these chips pretty heavily while they are still hot. That’ll help the seasoning stick to the chips. Once they are seasoned you can toss them in a bowl and move on to the next batch.

These chips are crispy, salty, sweet, and some of the best chips I’ve ever had.

Eating a bowl of these isn't a problem.

Betsy and I completely housed a whole bowl of these with no problem.

When she tried her first chip she looked at me and said, “What the hell did you do to these? They’re amazing.”

Of course, the secret is the seasoning. It’s pretty serious.

Crunchy and delicious.

When I first moved to DC 6ish years ago, I lived in a group house for about 3 of those years. For those that aren’t familiar with a group house, it’s basically when 4-6 adults try to live together in large house.

Think “The Real World” except it’s actually the real world and not a reality TV show. So it’s even more real.

The house I lived in took holidays seriously, but none more serious than Halloween. Every year we would throw a lavish 150 person Halloween party and spend way more time and money than we should’ve setting up for said party.

One of my favorite traditions was always pumpkin carving. There was something awesome about five twenty-somethings sitting around, watching “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” and carving pumpkins that somebody would inevitably puke in a few days later.

As we carved, we would always snack on roasted pumpkin seeds. We always had leftover seeds though and they would kind of just sit around and get stale.

This recipe is the definitive way to handle left over pumpkin seeds.

Pumpkin Seed Amber

Yield: 1 large sheet

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour 15 minutes

Ingredients:

2 cups pumpkin seeds, roasted
1 Teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 Teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/4 Teaspoon cinnamon
1 pound 6 ounces sugar
12 ounces water
1/4 cup light corn syrup

Helpful Equipment:
Silmat
Digital Scale

Directions:

1) Rinse pumpkin seeds well and toss with seasonings.
2) Spread seeds out on baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
3) Bake seeds at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally.
4) Meanwhile, combine water, sugar, and corn syrup in a sauce pan. Bring to a simmer.
5) Simmer, over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until syrup is a light amber color and very thick, about 45 minutes.
6) Stir pumpkin seeds into syrup. Work quickly.
7) Spread onto a silicon baking mat and let cool for 15-20 minutes. Then break into pieces.

Roughly adapted from an Alton Brown recipe.

Roasting the Seeds

While you can buy pumpkin seeds, that’s kind of cheating. Especially during the Halloween season. Also most pumpkin seeds that you buy are shelled (so they are a light green color), but I actually like them with the shells on. They have a bit more texture.

The seed hole.

Once you get all of your seeds out of your many gourds, just rinse them off under some cold water and try to get off any huge bits of pumpkin guts. Then mix them with the salt, cinnamon, and pepper flakes and lay them out on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.

The parchment paper just helps to make sure they don’t get really stuck to the sheet.

Ready to roast!

Bake these guys at 350 degrees for about 15-20 minutes. Stir them a few times throughout the cooking process.

They are done when they are slightly crunchy and lightly toasted.

Try not to eat too many...

Making the Amber

This kind of candy has a lot of different names: brickle, brittle, sugar candy, addictive, etc. I chose to call it Amber this time around because for some reason it reminded me of when they have bugs trapped in tree sap.

Whatever you choose to call it, it’s actually pretty easy to make, but does require one thing: Patience.

To start, measure out your sugar, water, and corn syrup and add them to a pot. I like to use a digital scale for this just so I can make sure my ratios are exact. At the end of the day though, you can eyeball it, it just might make your cooking time longer if you mess it up.

Just good old sugar water.

It’s possible that you don’t need corn syrup for this, but I think it makes it a little easier to work with. If it’s your first time making sugar candy like this, I recommend it. If you’re an expert, you can probably do it without the corn syrup.

Anyway, just bring this mixture to a simmer and simmer it over medium heat. After about 20 minutes, it will be bubbling like crazy and start to reduce significantly. Stir it occasionally and just keep letting it reduce down.

Don't touch this.

After about 35-45 minutes, it will start to turn a light amber color and foam. This means that most of the water is out of the mixture which is exactly what you want.

At this point, you’re racing the clock.

Kill the heat and stir in your pumpkin seeds. Again, work quickly here. The last thing you want is for this to solidify in your pan!

Work quickly people!

Pour this mixture out onto a silicone baking mat and use a spatula to spread it out evenly.

If you don’t have one of these nice silicone mats, I think you could use wax paper or parchment paper. You definitely don’t want to let this stuff cool on something that isn’t nonstick as it’ll fuse to it and you’ll never get it off.

Cool it down!

Let this huge block of awesome cool for about 20 minute and then you can start cracking it into pieces.

I love just breaking it into random shards.

Take out some aggression.

This stuff ended up being completely addicting. It’s obviously sweet, but it’s also salty and a bit spicy from the pumpkin seeds.

The seeds also give the candy some great texture. So you get this big crunch from the candy and then kind of a chewy texture from the seeds.

Plus it just looks cool!

Sweet and salty!

So, if you have some seeds laying around from your pumpkin carving, give this a shot.

It takes some patience, but the results are really delicious!

Cooked maggots look just like rice!

Maggots are one of the best sources of protein you can get. I’m pretty sure that Andrew Zimmern has been preaching about how delicious they are for years now.

Normally, I think they are fried, but why not fold them into a delicious slider recipe. It makes the slider oh-so-juicy.

And remember, whenever possible use organic maggots that have been locally raised.

Maggot Sliders

Yield: 12 sliders

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Total Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients:

1 pound ground beef
1/2 cup white rice, cooked
6-8 ounces cheddar cheese
12 slider buns
Lettuce
Sliced onions
Salt and pepper
Pickles (opt.)
Spiders and other scary stuff

Directions:

1) Mix cooked rice with ground beef then form 12 small patties with the mixture. I used long white rice, but if I made these again, I would try it with arborio I think.

2) Season slider patties with salt and pepper and cook in a skillet for about 3-4 minutes per side over medium-high heat.

3) Meanwhile, split buns in half and toast in a 350 degree oven for 5 minutes.

4) Add cheese to buns and return to oven to melt the cheese.

5) Add patties to buns and garnish with lettuce, onions, pickles, etc.

Maggots Look Like Rice!

It’s pretty obviously rice. In a dark room though with a well-labeled “Maggot Sliders” sign, you could easily get away with it.

This is a fantastic use for leftover rice if you happen to have any. If you’re making fresh though, I might recommend using a fatter rice like arborio. My long grain rice ended up looking too much like, well, rice.

Next time I might try arborio rice.

The Sliders

Even though these are at least half gimmick, it’s still important to make a good slider. People will still want to eat them! So mix your rice in with some good ground beef and then form about 12 even patties with the mixture. Season them really well with salt and pepper.

Still season them well.

While you could grill these guys, I just seared them in a hot skillet over medium-high heat with a drizzle of olive oil until they were nice and browned on both sides.

Mine took about 3-4 minutes per side to be cooked the way I like them, which is medium.

Cooking them maggots!

The Buns.

In my opinion, the best slider buns are the savory King’s Hawaiian potato rolls that you can buy in the deli or bakery section of most stores these days. They are light and buttery and perfect for sliders.

I just cut mine open and toast them in a 350 degree oven for about 4 minutes. Then I pile on some cheese, which is optional of course.

Cheese goes well with everything. Even bugs.

Add the buns back to the oven for a minute to melt the cheese and then pile on all the slider patties.

Delicious.

You could serve these with a wide range of toppings including sliced onions, pickles, lettuce, and the normal condiments.

Plastic flies are optional, but encouraged.

One of my maggots hatched!

The most important part about these sliders is that they are actually really tasty. Nice and simple, but would be a great party treat.

I do think that with the correct lighting, you could convince anyone under the age of 10 that these were maggots!

Bat wings will attract a lot of flies.

It’s very well-documented that bats are one of the most delicious of winged animals. Hanging upside down all day really makes their wings very tasty and tender.

The problem, of course, is getting bats. A bat hunter must be very careful as bats are known to suck the blood of any aggressor.

So proceed with caution.

I happen to be a very skilled bat hunter so it was no problem for me to bag a few dozen with the help of my faithful hunting dog, Porter.

Bat Wings

Yield: Serves 4.

Prep Time: 15 minutes + marinating time

Total Time: 1 hour

Ingredients:

2-3 pounds chicken wings, with tips
1 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup black bean sauce
1/4 cup tamarind paste (or oyster sauce)
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 Tablespoon chili garlic sauce
2 Tablespoons black food coloring (equal parts red, green, blue, yellow)

Directions:

1) Mix all ingredients except chicken wings in a medium bowl. Whisk well to make sure everything is combined.

2) Reserve 1/4 cup of the marinade for basting later. Pour all the rest of the marinade into a large plastic bag with the chicken wings and seal tightly.

3) Let wings marinate for 2 hours in the fridge. If possible. flip them every 30 minutes to make sure they are getting coated evenly.

4) Preheat oven to 375 and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

5) Remove wings from marinade (discard marinade) and shake extra marinade off the wings. Then lay them on baking sheets.

6) Bake wings for 30-35 minutes until wings are dark black and cooked through. The juices should run clear.

7) Baste wings once halfway through cooking and then again when the wings come out with reserved marinade.

8) Serve immediately!

Adapted from a Martha Stewart recipe.

A Confession

Ok. They aren’t really bat wings. I don’t imagine I would be any good searching through caves for bats and Porter would be even worse. His Velcro fur would have all kinds of strange dirt and bat poop in it by the time we were done.

Plus, I’m pretty sure he’s scared of the dark.

But bat wings are still awesome to serve for Halloween. You can fake out most people by using chicken wings and lots of dark marinade. It also happens to be a very flavorful marinade!

Mostly black stuff.

I was worried that the saltiness and flavor of this marinade would be completely overpowering, but it works really well actually.

It’s really important to add some sweetness to the marinade though to counteract some of the salty flavors.

So don’t forget the brown sugar.

Most important.

This marinade is pretty dark as it is, but I wanted to make sure my wings were as black as possible so I mixed up some actual black food coloring to add to the marinade to give the wings a little extra color.

This is optional. It doesn’t affect the flavor at all, just the color.

You won’t be able to find black food coloring, but it’s pretty easy to make if you recall from 3rd grade art class that black is just all the colors mixed together. I did about 15 drops of each color and got exactly black.

More blackness!

Whisk this all together with your other marinade ingredients and you’ll have this really dark marinade that’s very flavorful. I wouldn’t recommend trying it on it’s own. I did and my face was puckered up for the next two hours.

Reserve about 1/4 cup of this marinade for basting later.

Pretty tasty.

Marinading the Chicken

Add the chicken wings to a large plastic bag with all the marinade except the bit that you reserve for later. Try to get out as much air as possible and seal up the bag nice and tight.

Crazy...

Let these guys marinate for about 2 hours and, if you can, flip them every 30 minutes or so. That’s make sure that the wings are coated evenly with the marinade.

Cooking the wings

It’s really important to bake these guys on some parchment paper. The marinade is pretty sticky and if you bake it just on baking sheets you’ll have a big sticky mess on your hands.

Throw down some parchment paper and you’ll be all set.

The other important part about these wings is to make sure you shake off a lot of the extra marinade from the wings. It’s really strong and you don’t want it caked on the wings.

They'll get blacker.

Bake these guys at 350 degrees for about 35 minutes.

Halfway through the baking time and also at the end give them all a quick (and light) baste of the reserved marinade. This will just make the color and flavor a lot deeper.

Go light on it.

Once these guys come out of the oven, it’s best to serve them right away. Cold wings generally aren’t that appealing to people.

Although flies will probably eat them no matter what.

One last shot.

If I were going to serve these bad boys at a party, I’d be sure to label them “Bat Wings” just to add to the illusion a bit.

Besides being kind of cool looking, they also happen to be delicious.

If you can’t get your hands on some real bat wings, these will do the trick.

I don't recommend the grilled cheese approach.

This idea started as a sandwich and it ended as a sandwich. A very messy sandwich as you can see. A sandwich that I wouldn’t really recommend you make unless you own stock in a napkin company.

I had dreams of making a creamy pumpkin grilled cheese sandwich, but cream cheese doesn’t do a great job of holding together when it gets hot so the whole thing kind of just melted all over the place. Don’t get me wrong though… it was very tasty! I had no problem scarfing it all down, but it’s definitely easier to just use it as a spread.

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Spread

Yield: 1 Cup

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 10 minutes

Ingredients:

1/2 Cup canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling)
1/2 cup cream cheese
2 Tablespoons honey
1 orange, zest only
Pinch of chili powder
Pinch of salt

Helpful Equipment:
- Zester

Directions:

1) Mash pumpkin and cream cheese together in a small bowl.

2) Stir in honey, spices, and orange zest.

3) Use on toast, bagels, or almost any baked good.

Making the Spread

You could go the complete sweet route with this spread by mixing in standard pumpkin pie spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, etc.), but I decided to give it a slightly different flavor with some chili powder and orange zest.

Orange isn't optional.

It’s very important when making spreads like this to make sure you get just canned pumpkin. You don’t want the canned pumpkin pie filling with lots of crap in it. If you’re in doubt, take a look at the ingredients. They should only have pumpkin listed. Nothing else.

Once you pop your can open just mix the cream cheese and pumpkin together really well. I just used a fork and kind of mashed it all together.

These two things play nice together.

It’s okay if there are some lumps. The only way to get rid of those would be to beat the mixture with a hand mixer or something and that’s more work than it’s worth in my opinion.

Once your base mixture is mixed, you can add in your spices. The orange zest really makes the whole thing pop so try not to leave it out.

Then just add a pinch of chili powder and salt to taste. The finished spread should be a lovely light orange color.

Well that turned out bright!

Honestly, I recommend stopping here. Use the spread like this for toast, bagels, or heck. Just eat it with a spoon if you want. It’s really delicious.

But if you want to venture into the world of the messy, I have a sandwich for you!

The Pumpkin Sandwich

The key with this sandwich, if you are daring enough to try it out, is to do the exact opposite of what you would normally do with a grilled cheese. Normally, I recommend cooking grilled cheeses on medium-low heat which lets the bread toast slowly while the heat radiates into the cheese, melting it.

If you do that with this sandwich, you’ll have a huge mess on your hands.

Instead, you want to cook the sandwich on a high heat for about 45 seconds per side. That will toast the bread nicely, and just warm through the filling.

Butter a piece of bread and set it in a hot skillet. Add a few dollops of pumpkin spread to the bread.

Work quickly!

Top it with another piece of buttered bread (butter side up) and set it over medium-high heat. After about 45 seconds, carefully flip the sandwich and you should have a lovely browned toast.

Cook it for another 45 seconds and your done. If you do it right, none of the pumpkin mixture will spill out.

Hot and quick!

Let this cool for a minute before eating it. I cut mine in half just so you could see the runny (but delicious) mess that this sandwich is capable of.

Just spread it on, people.

By all means make the pumpkin spread in this post. It’s very Fall-ish. It would go great on a huge number of breakfast foods.

Maybe don’t try to do what I did with the whole sandwich thing. If you wanted a sandwich you could always just toast two pieces of bread and stick them together with some spread in the middle!

Don’t make something delicious harder than it needs to be.